The Spiral Staircase
Jewel Busch 
Author's Note: This poem is best read either on a laptop or in landscape view
The Spiral Staircase
I’ve been climbing,
muscles aching,
knees hurting,
breath tightening
longer than a lifetime.
I glance out the window
and shudder
at the view
This?
Again?
my heart aches
my body racks with sobs
the grief is familiar
the view is the same
Why, God, oh, why
Why am I here again?
or, terrifying thought:
did I only imagine
that I ever left it?
what if this
is all there is?
but
I continue to climb
one step at a time
one prayer at a time
one swallow of a bitter cup
one search through scripture
one sacrificial session
and glance out the window,
hoping,
surely now it’s changed,
but no.
Yet again,
same view.
I despair.
Am I cursed to look
at this same sight forever?
What am I doing wrong?
Will it never be healed?
Will I never be whole?
My unworthiness consumes me
but
I continue to climb
one step at a time
(is that hope I smell?)
one prayer at a time
(is that peace I hear?)
one swallow of a bitter cup
(is that sweetness I taste?)
one search through scripture
(is that illumination I see?)
one sacrificial session
(is that joy I feel?)
this time, as I look out the window
the view is the same
but
I am different.
Stronger.
Wiser.
Closer to Who I want to be.
I hope.
And I climb.
Each time coming round to
the same truth
the same view
but different.
Higher.
and
eventually
I see
it all.
He is the Way.
My heart rejoices
I praise God.
Categories: : Christ, Discernment, Emotional Health, Grief, Growth
